I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
