Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize