I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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