I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
