ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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