Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
