have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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