I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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