I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
