he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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