i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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