Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize