I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
