paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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