i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
