She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
