my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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