would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
