I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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