apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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