i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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