dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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