I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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