did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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