i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
