Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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