everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize