Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
