Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
