Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The air was thick with penises
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
