I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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