Whod you bang
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
