I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We need to rekindle our bromance
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
