found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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