You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
