Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
