Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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