After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
