dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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