Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
