Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
