Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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