I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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