is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
