You really coming over, don't trick.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
