I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
