you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
