So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
