I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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