Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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