just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
