I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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