How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
