Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
