So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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