Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize