I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
