No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
