Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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