saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
