The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
