I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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