at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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