I showed him my bush... on skype.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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