What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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