i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
