just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
