The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
