I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
