I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
