I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
