At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
