the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
